As I sit here engulfed in the winds of change I am optimistic, hopeful, full of love and anticipation as well as nervous, cautious and unfamiliar with my future path.
Today I have 10 more days of being an employee and then I am off on my own to sail the seas of this life. (That might sound a bit dramatic, but work is a larger portion of who I am than is proportionate to the other things that define me). It is a bit unnerving. I have always been tethered to the American lifestyle by working sometimes multiple jobs not because it was always necessary, but because it was what came natural to me. After a while it was how I defined myself. It was how society defined me to a certain extent. It was how I “took care of business” and my child…and then children.
This life has been kind to me. I honestly believe that. It hasn’t always been easy, I haven’t always made the right choices but it has never been catastrophic. Others opinions in this regard might differ, but largely I have fond memories and have come to terms with my skeletons. (In certain countries skeletons are talismans and I can appreciate that. Without my skeletons I would not be who I am, as whethered as I may be, literally and figuratively. )
The past couple of years have not been easy, I have managed to work two sometimes three jobs while maintaining a happy marriage, a teenager, a child in the midst of family crisis and a baby who is now a toddler, all while being in the midst of an illness that is undefinable and evasive. Largely I have been successful. As a result, my family has made a collective decision that it is time for me to be a mom and to be my toddler’s human experience and not just the daycare shuttle and nighttime tucker-in’er. That it is time to love my daughter and support her in her challenges in attempting to understand who to become after being subjected to scenes that a grown woman would be challenged to face, to stand resolute in what is love and health. Her heart has been broken at what she considers to be a great loss of a brother – even though as adults we know that divorce is not a literal death, even if it feels like it. It is time to be a wife who does laundry again and handles the household so that her husband can rest and renew. It is time to guide my 17 year old into the tides of his life and be a bouy to his journey.
It is time for me to do what I am passionate about. Spending time with people with a sincere desire to change their lives and their health and to face the fears emotionally and physically. To communicate with them and to help then choose a path of freedom from the constraints of what their bodies have become and help facilitate pursuit of their goals and dreams.
What more could I ask for? This is my dream life. Nonetheless, I am nervous. I am nervous about learning to master a new form of balance. Of who I will become and all of the possibilities in my days. I am nervous at the amount of responsibility I will have and the value of such to my family and others. I am nervous that my finances will suffer, if I didn’t acknowledge that out loud I would be dishonest.
I have prospects, I have fallback plans, I have opportunites but most of all I have FAITH. Faith in my god, faith in my friends, community and family. Most of all, I have learned to have faith in myself and my strength and most importantly, my future.
–by Sheron Mason
I have been working with Crissy for seven months and I could have never imagined that she would take me this far. I was running and working on losing weight before I started working with her but once I started her program my gains increased tremendously. I have always had a really tough time losing weight. I have not been able to stick with anything. Crissy has an amazing ability to push you without making you feel like you can’t do it, or that you are not good enough. She pushes you to perform harder and longer than you ever imagined. She also has amazing creativity with her exercises. She keeps you guessing and that is one of the things I have learned make such a difference in your ability to stick with any program. Your mindset is what will get you through this struggle. You will have days when you feel like you can’t go on. Days when you feel like everything hurts so bad you wonder what you are doing it for. But when you realize you have gone down 2 or 3 dress sizes, that you can run the mile and a half in 12 minutes and 34 seconds and you can do any exercise she asks you to do without being in excessive pain……..you KNOW it’s worth it!
Sitting at my desk, avoiding the
work tasks at hand, there is sooo much running through my mind. The past few weeks have been contemplative, full of self discovery, negotiations and closure. Wheeeww. With the dust settling and a new chapter quickly approaching I am very glad it is Friday. I can’t wait to go home and hug and kiss my children…and of course…turn my chicken eggs. I had the most restful sleep last night after actually taking a shower without Tyson either in there with me or throwing in plush animals to lend a helping hand – AND I shaved my legs with a new razor blade. Good times, I say. Afterwhich, I retired to the bedroom and read about France and enjoyed the fragrance of honeysuckle wafting in the window by my bed, while the boys watched boy movies and Sophia slept peacefully. This morning I woke up to Sophia already bundled up on the couch watching “The Wedding” and we had a few restful quiet moments before Tyson the fire breathing dragon woke up and terrorized the house with his frustrations (he isn’t always like this. For the mostpart he is especially snuggly). When I went in to get Tyson out of bed this morning he slammed the door in my face!…It’s funny now. This morning, not so much.
Since I have handed in my resignation earlier this week, it has been hard to concentrate at work for many reasons. Mostly because there is so much promise and possibilities for me and my family this summer. (I am trying to quiet the part of my brain that wants to be concerned with my motivation waivering, the change of financial status, etc.). I am a little nervous because this self employment thing is outside my safety zone and waaay out of the box for me. I am not sure what shape or form my future will come, but I am confident that I will enjoy it and my children.
I bought a baguette today and am looking forward to a good dinner with my family tonight and to curling up with baby Tyson and big girl Sophia for a good book(s). That is the best time of the night…minus Mr. Patience. He isn’t into book reading…yet.