A few years ago I was inspired to begin my long journey on becoming a Mind Body Healer. What prompted this decision was that I had found myself at a point where I had been stripped (or so I felt) of everything I was, criticized to the point that there was nothing left of me -it was not a fun experience -by someone that is a part of my wreckage – A MAJOR PART, like probably the missle that crashed the plane. All that was left were the remnants of the turbulent path I had been on in my life since my independence as a teenager (I’ll pick up at my teenage years because it is then I was responsible and accountable for my actions). I was left holding a bunch of jagged, sharp, cold, rusty pieces of what I perceived to be a ginourmous wreck. I defined myself by that wreckage for years (and allowed others to do the same). Maybe it was not apparent to the outside world (or maybe it was), but to the one who had to live inside of my soul, myself, it wreaked of the unpleasant. I looked around for the people who were very valuable to me and who were my little jewels I kept close to my heart along this path and 75% of them no longer live among us. Sadly. So what did I do? I began to learn. I picked up book upon book upon book. I talked to people who were in amidst the wreckage up to their necks and were happy to be there. I practiced walking with the same gait of people who had chosen to walk away from their wreckage and not to be defined by it. I began to learn about myself and how to begin to redefine my existence. I learned that we are not the sum of our wreckage. I discovered that we are the sum of what was left after the wreckage. It was an epiphany. I was still standing. This journey through picking up even the smallest shard of a remnant and examining it closely, no matter how jagged, painfully intimate, and lonely and actually reliving each event, choice, job, lifestyle, relationship pattern, and characteristic behavior has been the most intimate decision I have ever made. And the most emotional, deeply rewarding and life changing.
What I also discovered is that I was in the midst of a defining spiritual movement, an inspirational moment that set my life’s energies into motion. This process had set me on a path to healing and recovery. Yay!
I must admit, in the beginning some of this motivation was revenge. The “I’ll show them” attitude, but that didn’t last long because frankly I was so sapped of my health, physically and emotionally that I just didn’t have the strength to fight the battles that just didn’t matter anymore. Today, they matter even less.
“It is a journey to avenge the broken aspects of one’s spirit so that it can be restored and made whole.” -Mind Body text book by Linda Christy Weiler, M.S. She also calls it justice. It’s about justice on a personal, internal level, because what was left standing there holding a shit load of wreckage was a woman that didn’t know she was strong, didn’t know she was worthy, didn’t know she was good. But she was still standing. A monument to herself.
What I also found was that this could be directed and accessed through the physical body. (Stay with me here). That there exists something called Somatic Psychology. “…that every sensory stimulus, perception, and interpretation that is registered in the mind will leave behind a somatic footprint – a bodily memory or stuctural imprint” -Linda Christy Weiler. I had been trying to free my brain, my soul and my spirit, but my body still held the fossil of a event, choice, job, lifestyle, relationship pattern, and characteristic behavior. The contents of the luggage had been thrown out but the baggage was still there. Through examining stress paradigms, and a small amount of understanding pain – it can and is a cognitive response to physical changes, adversity, unfamiliarity and/or uncertainty. I acknowledged that pain is destructive because it caused me to constrict, physically and emotionally. Just acknowledging that fact is freeing.
So, I have been on a journey within a journey, as most things are. I am appreciative of the gift of this path,
whomever blessed me with it.
Remember those that I mentioned were a major part of my wreckage? Those are the ones that have blessed me with this gift and journey because they couldn’t snuff out my little flame that was within. They helped me to tear down all that was around it so that was all that was left. Pain was the catalyst that ignited my little flame in to a beautiful fire. A fire of movement, of healing and of helping others.
To them I say thank you.